Cheeky Wink Blog

There are lots of ways to get in the mood for love but often we don’t pay enough attention to the place where most sexual activity happens – the bedroom.

There are a few simple things you can do to make your bedroom the ideal place for passion without redecorating and if your environment is relaxing and attractive your will feel the same.

First of all make sure that the room is warm enough to be comfortable naked and well aired. It is important that the bedroom is tidy and clear of distractions like televisions and phones and piles of ironing as these will divert your attention. A clean, warm, well-aired room will create the perfect environment for setting the mood for love.

Having a choice of lighting is important for creating a mood in a room. A single bright overhead light can be a passion killer so, if you don’t have a dimmer switch, make sure you have plenty of options such as candlelight or lamps as softer lighting is more romantic and casts a softer light on naked skin.

Cleaning and airing the room properly will ensure that the air is fresh and clean but you may want to create even more of an atmosphere with subtle scents. Opt for scented candles or an oil burner rather than anything too pungent as the aim is to add to the mood rather than overpower the room.

You may want to put some music on quietly in the background to add to the mood. How much preparation you can make to the room will depend on how quickly you end up in there but remember that lighting, smells and sounds are all intended to create a mood and not become another distraction.

If you know you are going to end (or start) your night in the bedroom, there is nothing more important than a comfortable and clean bed. Freshly laundered sheets in soft cotton will feel amazing against naked skin and will be relaxing and soft to fall asleep between when you have expended all that orgasmic energy.

Whether you are playing the field or in a long term relationship it is important to remember the two main functions of the bedroom – sex and sleep and to make sure that your space is perfectly placed for both. So dim the lights, shut the door and make the most of the most important room in the house for your pleasure and wellbeing.

March is a month for celebrating the wonder of the female form with global celebrations such as International Women’s Day (IWD) marking the economic, political and social achievements of women.

Female sexuality has come a long way and continues to evolve as the traditional views of both men and women on female behaviour are changing. In western cultures, women have much more control over their sexuality but there are many places in the world where men still control the way women act in all aspects of social life and it can be dangerous for them to express themselves through the power of their bodies.

Historically, female sexual pleasure has been seen in many male-dominated cultures as less import than men’s and a woman’s role in the bedroom has been submissive and more about pleasuring men and conceiving children. One reason for this may be that it takes a lot more effort for women to achieve sexual pleasure, in particular orgasm, than men. Most women cannot climax through straight sex and need stimulation through touching and caressing various sensitive parts of the body and making a real effort with foreplay.

Women have a wide range of erogenous zones from the earlobes to the toes. In modern times, women are taking control over their bodies and their sexual pleasure and the vast range of sex toys and products on the market to help women reach a climax are clear evidence of this.

Clitoral massagers are designed to fit perfectly with curve of a woman’s body and provide stimulation to the clitoris, helping women to achieve orgasms easier. Teasing the clitoris is also the aim of rabbit vibrators that are penetrative with a special tool to caress the clitoris while they are in use.

Manufacturers such as Swedish designers Lelo have put a lot of time into designing vibrators and sex toys that are ergonomic and perfectly complement the female form. There is an understanding that many women are not looking for a penis substitute but an alternative way to reach an orgasm and express themselves sexually.

Some men may feel threatened by sex toys, especially if they can achieve levels of sexual pleasure that their female partner has failed to reach during straight sex but they should celebrate the fact that both genders have the ways and means to get maximum enjoyment in the bedroom.

While there may not be gender equality worldwide, it is encouraging to know that, in many cultures, women have taken control of their sexuality in the bedroom.

Much has been written about food that can improve your sex life but a claim by the Argentine president that eating pork can boost your libido has caused a stir this week.

Cristina Fernandez made the claims in a speech to representative from the swine farming industry last week stating that pork is a better option than sex drugs.

She said: “I didn’t know that eating pork improved sexual activity. It is much more gratifying to eat some grilled pork than to take Viagra.”

Argentines consume some of the world’s largest amounts of red meat so her comments have caused a stir. Unsurprisngly she has been backed by Juan Luis Uccelli, head of the organisation of Argentine pork farmers who says that people in Denmark and Japan have a much more “harmonious” sexual life than his compatriots because they eat a lot of pork.

“In Osaka, Japan, there is a village in which the people who reached 105 years old and ate a lot of pork had a lot of sexual activity,” he told radio Mitre.

These claims have riled social commentators worldwide who point out that they have no basis in scientific fact. Very few links between sexually virility and diet have been proved scientifically though the physiological benefits of some foods will have an impact on your sexual health in some ways.

Meat contains protein which boosts testosterone in men – the hormone directly linked to sexuality. Fortunately for the beef loving Argentines they will get as much benefit from their sirloin steak as they would from a pork escalope. Red meat is also rich in iron which is known to increase semen production.

In reality a bit of research into what foods increase your libido, male or female, throws up the same key message – eat healthily. A healthy diet rich in vitamins and minerals will give your body all it needs to work at optimum performance levels, whatever it is doing. It will boost energy levels and physical and emotional well being which are all essential to a vibrant and satisfying sex life.

In response to the claims made by Mrs Fernandez, serve your pork lean with plenty of nutrient rich vegetables and it may well contribute to a better sex life in the long term.

The Karma Sutra is an ancient book, famous for detailing weird and wonderful sexual positions that maximise the pleasure experience.

Many of the more unusual positions require imagination, energy and vigour from all people involved and the ability to twist and move parts of your body in to places where they wouldn’t normally go. Some people have natural flexibility and can wrap their legs around their head with ease but, for the majority it takes time to build up to more adventurous shapes in the bedroom.

Being more flexible has lots of benefits sexually. The usual helpers such, as pausing to stretch and warm up your limbs just before sex, are a bit of a mood killer but some gentle exercise outside the bedroom can make a world of difference to your performance between the sheets.

For centuries, yoga has been used to boost a healthy sex life by improving flexibility, fitness and energy levels. Yoga is a combination of gentle stretches and breathing exercises that combine to relax the body and relieve stress while improving core strength and muscle tone. All these things combined can have a positive impact on your sex life.

Learning to control your breathing may seem unrelated to sex but can help with your stamina and relaxation in the bedroom. Energy can be wasted by shallow breathing so, when you are relaxed and calm before and during sex, you can focus all your attention on what you are doing. Calm controlled breathing means more energy for sex which, in turn, means you are more likely to last longer.

The benefits of being physically fit are more obvious so yoga or other exercises that work on strengthening the muscle tone all over your body can help. Many yoga or body conditioning exercises work to strengthen the pelvic floor muscles and sex organs which can make them tighter and heighten the sexual experience by improving orgasms.

Stretching exercises to build muscle tone on the rest of your body can improve balance and co-ordination and help to improve flexibility so you can get into those hard to reach but out of this world positions.

Your sex life will improve if you are in good shape and healthy generally but you can take it one step further but improving you flexibility. Join a yoga or Pilates class or make sure you stretch out your muscles regularly to try and bend them into some new and exciting shapes and inch your way to a unique orgasm.

Walking into a sex shop can be overwhelming even for the most seasoned sex toy user as the range of choice, style, size and features is enormous.

As everyone is different both physically and with regard to their turn-ons and sexual preferences, it is hard to tell what will be right for you and your body and the terminology itself can leave you a little confused.

Most sex toy ranges are divided into three categories – dildos, vibrators and rabbit vibrator. This is essentially two as rabbits are a specialised type of vibrator. These products offer a completely different type of stimulation to each other and knowing the difference between them may help to narrow down your choice of sex toy.

Dildos are phallic and modelled on the penis and do not vibrate. They come in a vast range of shapes and sizes and provide the user with full control over how they are used in terms of speed and technique. They can be bought in every shape, length and width to meet specific tastes and requirements and come in a range of different textures and materials to vary and enhance the user’s experience. The choice is so vast there are unisex products, ones deigned to be used by couples at the same time and specific dildos for female and male use.

Vibrators are designed to stimulate and titillate sensitive areas of your body, inside and out. Like dildos they come in a vast range of lengths, styles, sizes and shapes but are less phallic and more unique in design. Many of them are small and discreet with a range of speed settings for the vibrations so the user can build up to various levels of pleasure. Vibrators can be used on all sensitive areas of the body to massage and stimulate. Rabbit Vibrators have the added feature of an additional prong on the main shaft of the vibrator designed for clitoral or anal stimulation.

Depending on what new sexual experience you are looking for, knowing the difference between the types of sex toy is a helpful starting place when buying one for the first time or looking to try something new. The important thing is to think about your body and what turns you on and you are already halfway towards a new world of orgasms.

We all like to enjoy an active and fulfilling sex life and the health benefits are well known but, for some people, pursuing this pleasure can become an obsession.

Sex addiction is still scoffed at by some people but it a real and distressing problem for some people. It is not always clear where the boundary between promiscuity and addiction is drawn. The recent revelations about pro golfer Tiger Woods have raised questions about whether he is a sex addict but it is unconfirmed and has more been for the benefit of gossip columnists – not a help to the people out there who are overwhelmed with their obsession with sex.

Sexual addiction can be defined as applying to someone who cannot control their sexual urges. It is not just someone who is highly sexed but where physical release through intercourse or masturbation at any time and in any place is the only way the person can satisfy their need which is physically all-consuming like that of a drug addict. The need for sex is mood altering and, in some cases, will force the person to find satisfaction and take personal risks such as unsafe sex or risky masturbation.

On a biological level it can be put down to an addiction to the chemicals and ‘happy hormones’ released by the body at the point of orgasm. A sex addict will seek to satisfy their addiction without a thought for the impact on their personal life and many suffer devastating feelings of shame, remorse and depression in between their obsessive behaviour.

Fortunately there is help out there for sex addicts though many people wait a long time before they seek it out as they are ashamed and confused by their condition. It is easier said then done but if you, your partner, or anyone you know is addicted to sex, it’s really important to seek help as soon as possible. Addiction can be devastating and the cycles of destructive behaviour need to be broken early.

The first step is to get in touch with an expert. Professional help is available on the NHS but if you can’t face talking to your GP, then a directory of private sex therapists can be found at www.barst.org.uk which is the website of the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapists. Take control of your sex life and don’t let it take control of you.

Cutting Carbon emissions is the hot news topic at the moment and we can all play our part in helping the environment – even in the bedroom.

Contraception is cheaper and more effective as a means of combating climate change than many high-tech environmental technologies, according to research by the London School of Economics.

Over the next 40 years, every £4 spent on family planning would reduce global CO2 emissions by more than a tonne while achieving the same results with low-carbon technologies, like wind and solar power, will cost at least £19.

It is food for thought but the report, Fewer Emitters, Lower Emissions, Less Cost, is a brutal way of looking at family planning; focussing on the purely economic benefits. However the study does stress that encouraging family planning should be a priority in the plans to reduce emissions.

The natural purpose of sex is to reproduce but the pleasure principal is just as powerful a motivator. The fact is that the world’s population is growing at a rapid rate and this is bound to have a massive impact on the planet – on natural resources and industry.

Everybody has the right to enjoy a happy and fulfilling sex life and to be allowed to live out their passion and urges in the bedroom whether it is purely carnal or in a loving relationship where starting a family is on the cards.

Contraception is essential to prevent unwanted pregnancies and protect the people involved and comes in many shapes and forms – condoms, pills, IUDs etc. Meeting basic family planning needs along the lines suggested would save 34 gigatonnes (billion tonnes) of CO2 between now and 2050 – equivalent to almost 60 times the UK’s annual total.

If you are ready to start a family then congratulations and good luck. However, if you want to carry on having a passionate, powerful and dynamic sex life without the weight of the world on your shoulders then use contraception. You can lie back, relax and enjoy safe sex.

Most people never wear clothes or shoes that are the wrong size yet it seems the same care and attention to comfort is often not given to contraception.

A study by the University of Kentucky has found that most men suffer discomfort and reduced pleasure for them and their partner as a result of poorly fitting condoms. As well as affecting sexual performance, this problem also increases the risk of infection and unwanted pregnancy as there is twice the chance that the condom will split or slip off during sex.

Many men are unaware that the condom manufacturers cater for the wide variety of penis shapes and sizes and they can buy products that suit them. Condoms are one of the most popular forms of contraception and the only way to protect against a number of sexually transmitted diseases so it is worrying to think that people are willing to take extra risks during sex.

Almost half of men surveyed for the study said they had experienced problems resulting from a badly fitting condoms including breakage and reduced pleasure and many had been forced to remove the condom during sex. Men who chose products that match their penis shape and size did not have these problems.

Buying condoms is less taboo than it used to be though it may still be an issue that people don’t want to take the time to look at the products on offer and match them to their bodies.  Putting more effort into shopping for condoms may seem like a hassle but could have lots of benefits for your sex life and your sexual health.

If you have already decided to use contraception and protect yourself against pregnancy and disease it seems logical to make sure that you are using a product that works for you. Like anything that you wear, it’s rarely a case of one size fits all.

We all want to get the maximum pleasure from our sex toys for the longest time possible but they need a bit of love themselves.

Like any electrical object, sex toys must be looked after properly to ensure they are safe and sexy for a longer time. This is fairly easy if it is only used by you or on you but will need a lot more tlc if it is shared b y you and your partner or is a double ended or an anal use dildo.

There are a few basic steps you can take to keep your toys clean and ready to give you excellent orgasms. Take time to inspect your sex toy on a regular basis to make sure there are no imperfections and it is in full working order, including regularly changing the batteries.

How you store your sex toy is also important – make sure it is in a cool, dry place and out of reach of children and animals. A box or protective pouch is also a good idea as some materials can attract dust and hairs. Wherever you store your toys should not put them at risk from damp, mould or excessive heat as this can affect the power supply and may cause damage to the materials your dildo or vibrator is made of.

The more you use it the quicker it will wear out and some materials are more resilient to regular use, especially if you use your sex toy with lubricant or condoms.

Because they are used on the most intimate parts of the body, all sex toys need regular cleaning or washing, even if they are not shared. This also means you should opt for a mild cleaning product and be wary of any potential for allergic or sensitive reactions. Ideally, they should be cleaned before and after use and inspected for any cracks or imperfections that can be caused by general wear and tear.

Sex toys are made from a variety of different materials and should be cleaned in different ways. Always remove the batteries or power supply before any cleaning.

Plastic toys can be cleaned with a mild soap and water or a specialist sex toy cleaner. Do not submerge the sex toy but wipe down with a soft, no fibrous cloth.

Jelly sex toys are porous and can be washed in the same way as plastic ones but must be rinsed thoroughly to ensure it doesn’t cause irritation or erode the material. A sex toy cleaner is the best product to use.

Silicone sex toys can be cleaned with soap and water or a toy cleaner but care must be taken not to damage the silicone.

All sex toys have a shelf life and will need to be replaced eventually. Regular checking and care will ensure you get the maximum usage and pleasure and it will be obvious when it’s time to move onto something new.

Valentine’s Day is the busiest day of the year for couples wanting to rekindle or reinforce the passion in their relationship.

While it is easy to buy a nice gift, cook a romantic meal or book a fancy hotel, holding onto the romance for the rest of the year can be a challenge for many people. The stresses of our busy lives can get in the way of our sex life and it important not to let Valentine’s Day become a kick start for a short-term improvement.

Keeping the flame alight all year round can be hard work but it well worth it for the benefits to your relationship and your physical and emotional wellbeing. Here are a few ideas to help you have all the excitement and pleasure of Valentines all year round:

1. Create a Passion calendar – at the start of each month, designate one or two special days that you and your partner can dedicate to each other. Book the days off work, get rid of kids, animals and all other distractions and unplug the phone and devote this time to getting intimate with each other. Whether you stay at home or go away you will come to treasure this time together and it will become something you expect rather than an obligation.
2. Surprise each other – all relationships suffer from a lack of sparkle sometimes and there is nothing better to get you out of a sexual rut than the unexpected. Try something fun and cheeky like serving breakfast in bed in sexy pants or underwear and see if you manage to eat anything.
3. Introduce something new – this is old news in terms of improving your sexual relationship but a change is as good as a rest. Try some sexy role play or be even braver and introduce a vibrator or clitoral massager to spice things up and stimulate your sensitive areas.
4. Work on your orgasm – knowing what turns you on is as important as knowing what to do to pleasure your sexual partner. Take time on your own or with your lover to explore all the areas of your body and discover what will guarantee the mind-blowing orgasms.
5. Communicate – a successful and happy relationship is based on mutual trust and understanding. It is essential to communicate your feelings and desires as stressing in silence is the fastest way to stagnate a healthy relationship.

These are just a few things to consider but there are lots of ways you can keep things passionate, romantic and fun throughout the year, many of which will be unique to you and your partner. So, when you are making your plans for Valentine’s Day, think beyond February 14^th and keep the spark all year round.